There is nothing standard about how we understand it. It’s always different depending on who’s explaining it. It is a biased emotion, as all emotions are. Nihil est in intellectu quod non prius fuerit in sensu. But, then again, it is, they say, a universal language. It engages you. Consumes you. Encompasses what you are and what you want to be.
I have to warn you, though, it is a double-edged sword. I can’t quite remember who actually said this, but, yes, it truly is. Your pains and joys are in one constant flux. It hinders you from understanding it fully; the incomprehensibility of it pushes you to the limits but there is no way, no way, that you can escape the hymn of triumph when you’ve conquered the murky waters that prevent you from realizing that it is worth every doubt and fear. You discover, in the process, that your character is measured within the journey and not when you have arrived.
It will be your undoing, your failure, if after the long journey you decide that it is not worth it, that it was merely an objective assurance to say that you have conquered a very adamant feeling, and you will feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. Yes, only then will you fail. People of now revel on its bleakness, that its very meaning has been spun to mean nothing more than what is physical. It has been whispered, passed on from ear to ear, what it is. It has been lost. But let it then be, as things lost can still be found, a small covenant between what it was and how I see it now of what I can say about this lost word, far and beyond, and that word is: ______.
(August 9, 2012)
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